Minimizing Conflict: Tips from a Parent
Contributed by: BNetSavvy
by Kelli Kennison, parent and professional health outreach coordinator, Columbia, South Carolina
Kelli Kennison, Lisea’s Mom, talks about how her family dealt with some of the issues this month’s Parents’ Corner writers, Edward and Marie, are facing.
We started Lisea on the computer at a young age, with email and restricted access, and we’ve talked with her about safety. Gradually, she has earned additional privileges and access as she continues to make good decisions and seems to be safe. We’ve talked to her about the fact that she doesn’t necessarily know who she’s talking to; her answers demonstrated that she was careful.
We try to get familiar with the technology ourselves, so we can provide proper oversight to our daughter. (See the specific recommendations, below.)
Talking with other parents helps too. I’ve noticed that girls’ parents seem more concerned about who their children might meet online, while with boys, the concern seems more about going to sites with pornography. Bullying online cuts across both.
I’ve also talked with some teachers who were concerned about the language or views being expressed online. I don’t know how many parents go on MySpace and look around, but we all should.
A Text-Based Scare
We had a situation last year. I got a couple of strange texts in the middle of the day from Lisea. The first was: Please come get me from school after my math class.
I thought, “Hmm, does she just need some extra sleep?” But the next was: Please come get me!
I texted her back and asked why. She responded that there was a gun at school. So then I was flying to the school. It turns out there was no gun, but they found a bullet in the boys’ bathroom. The kids were texting each other—this was not long after the Virginia Tech shooting—and the story changed as it went around.
That gave me the indication that they are probably texting at school, more than we know.
The reality is that kids are connected to each other pretty much all the time. I think our job as parents is to accept that, and set limits that we think are reasonable.
Kelli’s Recommendations
I’ve found that where possible, it’s a lot easier to start with stricter rules than to impose rules later on.
Wireless Phone
- My wireless provider has a “smart limits” parental program, so I can limit the minutes, number of texts, and even who she can call or text at certain times of night (only her parents and grandparents on school nights). It’s automatic, so I don’t have to ask, there’s no discussion—that reduces a lot of conflict.
- Be sure to block international calling, and check your text limits. These can be costly.
- I have tried to help Lisea learn to be a more responsible consumer by having her call and ask about charges that show up on the bill and deal with problems related to the phone.
Internet
- I use the parental controls from my Internet provider, which suggests age-appropriate limits for usage, email, chatting, IMing etc.
- Even with these controls, Lisea could access inappropriate sites—which means it is really good to continually monitor usage when kids are very young. I also get a report of the sites she’s visited.
- The time limit controls are very useful. Using that means I don’t have to continually ask her to get off; she is logged off at the end of her time limit (one hour on school nights). This can save a lot of fights!
