Understanding the Benefits and Risks of texting
Contributed by: BNetSavvy
By Jace Shoemaker-Galloway
Dr. Donald Shifrin, Vice Chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Council on Communications and Media, has a radical solution for parents looking to control their children’s texting behavior: good old-fashioned parenting. “That’s right, G.O.P.,” he says, “and I don’t mean “grand old party.”
“Parents are providing this resource [wireless phones with texting plans] to the kids, so they should be in charge of it. It quickly outruns parents’ ability to be in charge of it, but they should try to be in charge.”
While the AAP has no formal recommendations for parents concerned about texting and their children’s wellbeing (official recommendations take up to two years, much too slow to keep up with kids’ ever-changing tech behavior), Shifrin says his committee recommends parental vigilance and certainly a passing knowledge of the individual tech devices that are bought for the children.
“If parents see 300 text messages a month on the bill, that’s ten a day which is pretty much nothing,” he says. “But more than 300 messages a month, they are going to have to be vigilant, just like with youngsters and bike helmets. Parents should monitor texting activity and ensure kids aren’t texting at the dinner table, at church, not all the time in the car, not at night under the covers in bed.”
“If I can’t access my youngster because he’s using this tool to access other things,” Shifrin says “then I’m going to have to say the same thing I would say if he’s watching TV when it’s inappropriate: ‘We can eliminate that distraction.’”
Easier said than done? Perhaps. Shifrin acknowledges that most kids “from sixth grade up” seem to be texting these days, and that texting is a “social construct.” Parents are sensitive to the fact that kids feel peer pressure to text – it is “the” form of communication for tweens and teens.
“A kid without a wireless phone in sixth or seventh grade is looked upon as weird,” he notes. That pressure gets passed on to the parents – how can they forcefully “eliminate” the distraction of texting if it seems crucial to their child’s ability to fit in with his/her peers? How can they protect their children from risks of texting but still allow their children to interact “normally” with their peer group?
That’s where Dr. Don’s Four M’s come in, Shifrin’s four-step plan for creating and managing children’s choices and behaviors – including texting.
- Model behaviorModel the behavior you want your children to have. Are you on your mobile or tech devices at inappropriate times? Set ground rules for yourself and follow through. Be a good tech role model for your children.
- Mentor your childTeach the child “here’s what I want you to do, here’s what’s appropriate.” Let your child know “if you have this resource, this privilege, there are certain times it won’t be available,” based on what’s appropriate social behavior for your family. Shifrin suggests, “Parents may want to set up an agreement with their child about usage, much the same way they do about setting up driving contracts with teens.
- Monitor the behavior you have modeled and taughtBe aware and alert. Are your children behaving the way you have discussed within a reasonable degree of certainty? Is the device now causing them to have significant disagreement and disconnection with their parents? Are you noticing any out-of-the-normal activities or language: disinterest or disconnection, too many minutes used, sneaking texting at inappropriate times?
- MediateIf your monitoring shows a real deviation in the behavior that you’d like, you have to mediate to a better solution and say, “I have noticed that you have not been using your phone according to our agreement. Here’s what we can do until you show you can use the phone in a more responsible way.” Show them that the negative behavior is noticed and has consequences.
A consequence Shifrin endorses? Confiscation of the wireless phone and/or cutting off texting privileges. “Just like in the 1950s – you’re grounded. Only we call this electronic grounding,” he says.
“Parents have to say to the youngsters, ‘I’m going to pay attention to your behavior, and pay attention to how you use this resource which we have given you as a privilege.’ It’s still a privilege to get this every month. Let your children know what’s appropriate and what’s not.”
Again, for Dr. Don, it all comes down to basic parenting, which has never been easy, but now is significantly harder in this age of Generation C (connectivity). With planning and persistence, however, you can help keep your text-frenzied child safe and healthy.
