What Adults Need to Know about Cyberbullying: Lessons from a Mother’s Experience

Contributed by: BNetSavvy

Mother turned activist Leslye Kenney speaks with Caitlin Johnson

“I don’t want any other parents to have to go through what we went through,” says Vermont mother Leslye Kenney.

Her daughter was cyberbullied so severely that she was forced to change schools and continued her education at home for most of a year—losing academic ground that she’s still working hard to make up.

It began in 2003, when her daughter was in seventh grade, and quickly escalated to a a Website threatening her daughter’s life and an onslaught of harassing e-mails and text messages. Now 17, Kenney’s daughter has spoken out about cyberbullying in her hometown and on Capitol Hill. In 2006, she received a state Youth Activist Award for her work. (Kenney asked not to use her daughter’s name; she leaves it up to her daughter when to speak out in her own name.)

The messages Kenney’s daughter received were devastating. They were not, however, atypical for cyberbullying. “More often than not, this type of messaging has to do with humiliating another kid by commenting on their sexuality, how they’re perceived gender-wise, their religion, their looks—anything to tear down their self esteem,” she says.  “And if a kid doesn’t feel they fit into a clique, they may be too humiliated to tell someone.”

Many parents’ first instincts may also be to avoid taking action. “A lot of parents hope it will just resolve itself,” says Kenney. “They don’t want themselves or their kids to be further retaliated against, so they don’t report the bullying.”

However, it is important that adults take cyberbullying seriously and know how to respond, says Kenney. “Parents and school administrations across the country need to be aware of the issue and how to communicate with each other and with the children in their community. It is a group effort to keep children safe and educated.”

What the Law Says

Although it is generally up to school districts to set specific policies about online safety and cyberbullying in accordance with existing state laws, there are some nationwide legal requirements—for example, Title IX and VI, the federal education laws that prohibit sex and racial discrimination in schools. These may apply if messages constitute sexual or racial harassment. Federal civil rights statutes may also apply.

Under the law, all schools receiving federal funding must have a Title IX Coordinator—often a coach or counselor who is trained to handle issues of discrimination. Some states have policies requiring two designated employees, one male and female, to handle complaints. However, Title IX the requirements are complex and according to the Women’s Sports Foundation, most schools are not in full compliance.

What Parents and Schools Can Do

From her own difficult experience, Kenney has the following tips to share with parents and schools.

• Parents, teachers and school administrators need to be well-versed on current school policies and procedures when school starts each fall.
• Parents, teachers and all school administrators need to understand their school and home computer network systems; understand all means of access from home to school.
• Parents should work collaboratively and positively with other parents when they sense a problem brewing; they should model responsible behavior.

Spotting Problems

• Pay close attention to changes in behaviors, be aware of pre-existing behavior patterns.
• Teachers and parents: watch for exclusion, especially of new students, watch and observe cliques at school for signs of bullying.
• Teachers: Observe interactions in classrooms and act as necessary, don’t overlook behavior as “kids being kids.”

Reporting Problems

• Does your school have a Tile IX Coordinator to receive complaints?
• Are reporting forms available for parents and children in age-appropriate language?
• Is there a drop box in an area that is accessible to parents and children throughout the day?
• Know your Department of Education staff and Office of Safe and Healthy Schools teams and what role they have in the public school beforehand.
• When reporting issues, bring another person with you as a note-taker.
  Parents: you can ask your pediatrician or therapist to reach out to the school as well.
• You can request copies of documents in your child’s school file on the incident, and can correct any errors.
• If you need more help than the school can offer, you can contact the Office of Civil Rights for information; they may be able to help.